Who is Marty Java? Part 1


The question being asked on the internet is who is Marty Java? The person in question is it seems, quite an enigma. He is like the comte Germaine, the man with no background who pops up here and there offering crumbs of wisdom then disappears.
I sweated on the ‘net for hours, propping my tired eyes open with matchsticks and surviving the pace by consuming copious amounts of strong black, hot, steaming cups of coffee before eventually coming across his name.

Marty Java is the eponymously named defacto spokesman for ‘coffee.’ A self confessed, self styled coffee connoiseur and apparent lover of ebooks too.
According to his little personal anecdotes on himself, he was a one time spy for the CIA on covert operations until a bullet meant for him, only grazed his head, a fact which he attributes to wearing his ‘lucky’ hat…his trademark ‘Panama.’

Marty then had a brief out of body experience which he explains was…’the weirdest sensation of leaving my body and floating through a tunnel of light and smelling coffee…yeah it’s true…coffee!
If there’s one thing I know for certain…that is…the big G, likes java! I was then told by a disembodied voice, ‘it’s not your time…go back and tell them about coffee!’
According to Marty, that epiphany moment, changed his life forever. A former hardened ‘tea’ drinker, Marty made it his mission in life to propagate the divinely related message of coffee for the masses from that moment on.

I was indeed fortunate to view some of his excellent videos on one of you tube’s channels, JC Gallacher’s eBooks & Coffee. Here…was a veritable delight for all coffee lovers, as Marty in his introductory first short vlog, bared his java philanthropic soul to all.

By his own frank admission, Marty loves all types of coffee and made in all ways too, percolated, espressoed and in all tastes too, latte, macchiato espresso etc, it’s all grist apparently to his coffee driven mill!

But what kind of man is Marty in real life. Judging by his demeanour, body language and facial expressions, Marty is indeed a coffee ‘truth teller.’ A man, who, having given up a former dangerous and violent occupation has eschewed that to spread peace to the world by inviting humanity to a heavenly taste trough imbibing the java.

What makes Marty’s vlogs so interesting is his reviews of ebooks, usually showcased on his channel. He shows he is no illiterate neanderthal by the sheer scope of ebook and stage play genres that he reviews with the passion and erudition of a man who knows what he is all about.

But that still doesn’t give anything away. I found out through painstaking research, that he is in fact, to use his own words, a ‘mongrel’ child, having genes from a mother who was part Canadian, cajun indian, part Irish and part Columbian, a fact from which he deduces, he gets his love of coffee.
Add to this, a Scottish / French dad and you have a mixture of ancient migratory wanderlust. Marty indeed, you find out, was born in Quebec Canada, though moved at an early age and brought up in America, namely Brooklyn, New York and finally back to his dad’s birthplace, west central Scotland.
We find his father was a journalist for a geographical magazine and dragged the family hither and thither with the job. Marty claims to be in love with France, because from childood in Canada, his french speaking mother and his father who has a great grandfather link to France, taught him to be bi-lingual french/english.

Add to this, a strong musical heritage of accomplished musicians on both sides of the family and it’s no wonder the young Marty took to various instruments with ease and calls himself a multi-instrumentalist musician, although recently having fallen in love with a small ukelele which he calls Elsie, named after his deceased mother, Elsie-Clotille-Flaherty-Hernandez.

Marty admits a yearning to visit some of his mother’s ancestry in Tolima, Columbia, a well known coffee producing region, another reason he attributes his un-ceasing love of the java and why…he thinks, he was ‘chosen’ as he puts it, to spread the word about coffee.


Hats are a typical Marty trademark. He counts no less than 50 in all, but tends to wear only a select few, for fear of being seen as ‘hattist.’
Such are his recollections that his old school cap and his knitted balaclava from infant school are still among his most treasured possessions.
Nowadays, he will wear his ‘lucky’ Panama with trademark bullet-hole, his Morris Gibb 99 special, his wide brim rafter and various peaked basball type caps, his favourite being the one he bought one day while visiting the ancient, spooky chapel, Roslyn (where the holy grail is said to rest) in Edinburgh.


But what about ‘books?’ Where do they fit in? According to Marty, he was perhaps not a child prodigy, but as he puts it, he was ‘a kick in the pants off it’ being taught from age two to read and write, gave him, he thinks, a head start over the other kids who were still making jumbled words on wooden alphhabet blocks, while the precocious Marty, for his tender age, was constructing complex sentences.

He was brought up and indeed, cut his literary teeth on all the classics authors, RL Stevenson, Alexandre Dumas, Jane Austin (his mother’s influence and personal view that he should not grow up a misogynist) et al and later developed a liking for the Russian writers Tolstoy and Dostoeyvsky, pushkin and the spiritual philospher Bardayev.


So how does he rate ebooks over physical books? According ot Marty, it’s a non-sequitur! ‘I love them both’ he says with magnanimity and a cheeky grin. ‘You can’t beat the look, feel and smell of a physical book, pure ink and paper…it’s a tactile thing’ he admits but says, ‘however, for going on holiday and for storing a sheer volume of books you can’t beat an ebook reader like Kobo, Kindle or Nook…and you can read them in the Sunlight too’ Marty confesses that if he were to keep all of the books he as ever had or even now has, he would need half a dozen large bookcases!


How did Marty come to be a reviewer and blogger for JC Gallacher? Well according to Marty, his debt to JC is a lifelong and mysterious one…one to which he will not go into nor disclose!!!

Suffice it to say that he and JC are almost ‘joined at the hip’ and have been since they were small boys. I did manage however, through the family link, to discover that a goodly proportion of the books he read when growing up were secretly donated by the Gallacher family upon the death of a one time ‘famous’ literary critic relative.
But that’s not the whole story apparently, for there is also an incident…almost a drowning, where, were it not for JC Gallacher, Marty would not have been with us today (could this be the story that shall never be told?)

Apparently, after that, Marty swore he would help his friend in any way he could and…true to his word, has carried that banner by proudly showcasing his friend’s current literary output in both books and music and continues to do so and states with true humility that ‘Hey…I’m not getting paid for this’ a somewhat regular catchphrase of his and that he will ‘work for coffee.’
And so it was that when JC Gallacher started his new You Tube channel,
JC Gallacher’s e-Books & Coffee he gave Marty the starring role.
These are just some of the ebooks and plays he showcases:

ALCHEMY AND EVIL by JC Gallacher, described as a gripping fantasy action story of courage in the face of danger and evil on a planet called Baraxia where a primordial force known only as The Bornless One has awakened with an evil desire to absorb and subjugate all beings in existence.
An old alchemist and his daughter, plus a mottley crew of strangers are flung together by fate and become the chosen force to fight against the evil that threatens to destroy the planet and the peaceful alliance of friendly neighbouring planets that surround Baraxia.

FRESH MEAT by horror meister Bloodheart is an uncensored, collection of adult horror tales featuring demons, ghouls, interdimensionals, evil and the devil himself. Not for the faint hearted, alot of the subjects covered could be seen as taboo. Bloodheart pulls no punches in this truly scary and horrible offering,

ALL HORRORS EVE is the second offering by Bloodheart and is a collection of short halloween horror tales involving familiar spirits, werewolves, murderous ghouls, haunted pumpkins, spooky sirens etc and is well worth reading.

MOUTH TRAP is modern, radical, spontaneous, prose poetry at its best. The author, Jed Stone casts a critical eye over society and human behaviour
and compiles a raft of clever observances and finally crafts them into intriguing poems that will make you laugh, cry, think and possibly change your views on certain things.
Marty has more ebooks and plays to follow in further blogs.


About martyjava

Blogger, reviewer for all of JC Gallacher's collected works, ebooks, music, songs, plays and musicals.

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